Mark Wahlburg

Human, Actor, all-around-bad-ass, and United States President


Some critics say that Mark Wahlberg was handed the United States Presidency. His platform was simple…he was going to keep America the land of the free and home of the brave – he wanted to relax immigration, keep guns off the streets and out of children’s hands, keep the military strong and increase American Industry. He became President in 2017 after a late start and quickly overtook the double-talker and the fear-monger.

Markie Mark took the Presidency while just chilling out with Barrack Obama on camera. Obama and Wahlberg made it a smooth transition and Wahlberg started his term keeping the promise to take no shit from any big company and actually had no ties to them – he financed his campaign from his pocket and through the help of a few friends; His friends, like Nicolas Cage, Keanu Reeves, Sylvester Stallone, Anderson Cooper, Peter Dinklage, & Shia LaBeouf.

Conspiracy Theorists already have the rumor mill in full swing saying that “The Immortal Cabal placed a figurehead on the Throne!”, to which Wahlberg made the comment, “I get a throne? I thought it was just an office chair!” The press had a field day and everyone could see Barrack’s forehead just crave his palm.


Markie Mark’s life history is public knowledge for the most part. Now President Wahlberg does have a secret side to his life, but it is some things he actually doesn’t remember.

Mark Wahlburg

The Tapestry of Terror XanAbbott XanAbbott